Jokes in English often rely on the surreal. But many of of them are based around the humble pun. I say humble, but in fact the cleverest joke I’ve ever heard works because of 3 different puns in the punchline. And no, I can’t possibly tell it here.

A pun-based joke in English very rarely* works in other languages. Puns in jokes and cartoons (and, unfortunately for our translation agency, British advertisements) are made up of homophones, homographs, homonyms and heteronyms. So then, to the attention-seeking nature of the title:

• homonym (same-name) same pronunciation, different meaning: fly (insect) fly (zipper)
• homophone (same-sound) identical pronunciation, maybe different spelling: your, you’re
• homograph (same-writing) same word, different meaning, maybe same pronunciation bow (-tie), bow (down)
• heteronym (other-name) same spelling, different pronunciation and meaning: tear (water) tear (rip)

Obviously there are a few possible overlaps here, so I’ve found a little Venn diagram from a mine of mostly factually correct information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/

Good, isn’t it? And now, a lovely little example of homphones coming into their own, courtesy of Stuey, the other side of the Pond.

“I hate those Italians with their slanty eyes. Sorry I don’t mean Italians, do I? I mean italics…”

Now for the main reason for the post: He clearly gets very irked by people using words inappropriately. When I was at (Victorian) school, hopefully was a dodgy word. “The parachutist landed hopefully.” ie he was full of hope as he landed. A “Hopefully, we’ll get the contract” got me a board-rubber to the back of the head as it was an ‘abuse’ of the word. Apparently. You could see why we’d (and do) all make the mistake. I’m not even sure it is considered such now. But his gripe is this:

“One of my pet hates has always been the misuse of ‘literally’.  In recent weeks, my attention has been drawn to Jamie Redknapp’s particularly noteworthy misuse of it:

http://www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/features/4886830._Redknapp_s_misuse_of_word_is_literally_doing_my_head_in_/”

Now, OK, I’m not sure that as an ex-Premiership footballer he should be too harshly criticised for his linguistics skills, (or was he a product of the English Academy system, ho ho?) but it does get everywhere and I find myself exposed to it day and night. Quite literally.

Stuey’s final question: “I wonder if there are other examples where a word’s meaning has evolved to almost signify its antonym?”

And I think you can probably work out the meaning of that word…

* Ok, I have one… see the comments

So let’s get this straight: Apostrophes (or should that be apostrophe’s? NO!) should, in the first instance, only be around to show when a letter (or letters) is missing, and is inserted where the letter(s) would have been if we could have been bothered to write them: don’t, would’ve. But what happens if there are 2 groups of letters missing? Manchester Utd. Surely not U’t'd? The Derby County fan in me says both are wrong and that makes me happy in some small way. And what about abbreviations in the plural? CDs? CD’s?

In the second instance, when it comes to the possessive s, it’s a whole new ballgame. I have a friend who works in the wordy world of marketing. Getting the apostrophe in the right place is, for her, as nerve-racking as having 5 out of the 6 lotto numbers correct and waiting for the 6th. The phone-call usually goes: “Please, Rob, I have another one of those grammar problems: The company’s staff. Before or after the s in company? No, I don’t want to know why, just give me the damn answer. Look, I’m about to go into the meeting. Please.”

Then there’s Vera Lynn: The Forces Sweetheart. What should we do? There’s a strong argument to say that here Forces is acting like adjective so it needs nothing anyway. Look at a singular form: The Airforce Sweetheart works fine, easily as well as The Airforce’s Sweetheart.

Anyway, I tell my friend the old trick of ‘turn it round and stick an of in there’. Whatever word is left – stick an apostrophe after it: The boy’s left thumb > The left thumb of the boy compared with The boys’ toilets > The toilets of the boys . (Sorry to my other half – she hates me using toilets. Not using them per se, she prefers that particular activity, she just hates the word.) So what about the The toy of James? James’s toy or James’ toy?

Then ask any Newcastle fan where his team plays:

But ask Wills and Kate about a possible royal residence:

Ooh, it’s just not fair, is it?

And finally: Bill’s friend should therefore lead to A friend of Bill.  How many times do we say and write A friend of Bill’s? And no, it doesn’t depend on whether you know a Bill. You know what I mean. Even your super predantic blogger does it too…

Anyway: Shoes fit on your feet. You sit on a seat. A ship full of sheep. You can probably guess what’s coming. One of a group of French students once asked if we could look into and practise the aforementioned offending vowels, as he always got embarrassed every time he wanted a sheet of paper.

We spent 30 minutes bashing out all the different options, when I think, somewhat bored by the whole procedure, Astrid a feisty young mademoiselle blurted out. “It’s really not necessary all thees practees. I ‘ave solved ze problem when I need pepper. I no longer ask for a shit; I say: ‘Can I have a piss?’” You couldn’t make it up…

I know that in French there are one or two words where the vowel makes a difference: dessus (pinch those lips) and dessous (more full-bodied) for above and below respectively. Not the length here, but where in the mouth you form it. Could be tricky if you’re a brain surgeon training a non-native French speaker where to snip. And don’t forget the classic, merci beaucoup often transformed into thanks, lovely bum by getting the last vowel wrong.

Any funnies that you might have encountered with non-native speakers of your own language?

I’m talking about countable and uncountable nouns. Can you count chairs? Yes. Ergo, they are countable nouns. Can you count rice? Yes? Well, no. You count the grains, but not the rice itself so, you guessed it, it’s not countable. Simple enough, huh? This goes on to affect our choice of other words, such a much or many, is or are, and lots of other things when applying it to other languages.

Some words are countable (or aren’t) depending on the meaning. Beer as a substance isn’t countable, unless we’re referring to bottles, glasses or pints thereof. “4 beers, 2 red wines and a fizzy water please”- all perfectly OK.

Spaghetti as an English word is not countable: “I don’t want much spaghetti” But in Italian it is – though I’m not sure too many self-respecting Romans would ever have need of uno spaghetto.  Information isn’t countable (in English at any rate), but data (technically speaking ( ‘scuse the pun)) is. Bored yet? Abstract nouns (happiness, freedom, torture) are more often than not uncountable unless we occasionally qualify them: an agonising torture. Even then they only exist in the singular.

Anyway, the reason for the post. When the looters and rioters had their fun earlier this month, there was talk of using ‘water cannon’ to dispel them. I could live with that, imagining it to be an abstract concept rather than the machine itself. However, The Guardian (and all its worthy fellow rags) were happy to use the likes of  The Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI) has six white-painted water cannon.

You’ve counted them for heaven’s sake! There were more than 1 of them! What’s wrong with a little ‘s’! It wouldn’t hurt, would it? Or does it make you seem a bit more grown up to make water canons uncountable? Unless, overnight, water canons have mysteriously adopted the same properties as fish, sheep and wildebeest… And even wildebeest can be wildebeests if you like.

Ah, language in the throes of evolution. A glorious thing. Unless you’re a stick-in-the-mud like me.

My big gripe however, is should of,  would of and could of gone. I totally understand the analogous logic – cup of tea is pronounced cup’ve tea, so why not let could’ve gone work backwards in the same way? (Sorry to all you linguistics purists – I don’t think wordpress blogs allow me to write the mute e or schwa phonetically.)

Do you have any expressions that your own little darlings use in your own language – English or otherwise – that get your goat? And why?

It’s a tough economic landscape out here right now and many companies are working hard to maintain margins and market share.

Maybe your business strategy includes expanding into new markets overseas to take advantage of more favourable trading conditions. You will set yourself apart from competitors if you simply avoid crashing into the language barrier. Simply by factoring in the necessary language training required by your sales people or your new country managers and support staff, will make a significant difference and it will be more likely that your business will achieve better results more quickly. What price would you put on that?

Language training delivered in a planned and structured manner by a professional language training company will deliver significant benefits as your business moves to establish itself in a new country. Whilst English has been adopted by many countries as the international language of business, it does not mean that you’re left off the hook and don’t need to learn any other languages!

There can be a real arrogance about organisations that wish to do business in a foreign country but are not prepared to have their people speak the language of that country. This arrogance may also prove costly, because as anyone in sales will tell you: “People buy people” and sending out a sales team that is not able to effectively communicate with their target clients is asking for bad results. It may well be that the actual business meeting can be conducted in English – but what about the social events afterwards – the dinner meetings and the evening hospitality that are all part of building successful long term business relationships and this is when an investment in language training can prove invaluable.

So how do you select the best language training company for your needs? Here are some tips for doing just that:

Choose a company that has been established a while and has a proven track record in language training.

Ensure the teachers are all professionally qualified and experienced – speaking the language is not enough.

Look for flexibility in course locations – does the language training have to take place only in their offices or are they willing to travel to you or your employees locations.

Is the language training company able to offer tailored and personalised training? Maybe you just need initial foundation sessions or you might need intensive training in shorter bursts.

Will the language training company adapt to provide 1 to 1 or group sessions?

One very important aspect to consider is how the language training company provides progress reports. No doubt you will want to know that the training budget is being well managed.

Is the language training company able to provide  internal testing and external exams if required?

A language training company that is able to deliver all of these language training services is one that is worthy of serious consideration. And guess what? Dialogue – the language training company can do all of this and more. So if you are looking for a language training company that can deliver the services and success that you are looking for give us a call now on +44 1793 513 321. Just ask for Nic or Rob. They will be delighted to chat through your requirements.

Just type the phrase “translation agency” into Google and you’ll get over 5 million options!

If you search on “Translation Agency UK” you’ll still have 175,000 choices.

So how do you find the right translation agency offering the services you want?

The first thing to say here is that price should not be your primary decision factor when selecting a translation agency. The lowest cost agency is likely to charge the prices they do because they are not focused on quality and a poor quality translation could have a serious negative impact on you and your company. Clearly this is not going to be the case every single time but as we have all experienced at some time or another – you get what you pay for!

So here are some pointers to consider when selecting the translation services agency that is right for you.

1) Top of the list I would put translators working in their first language or ‘mother tongue’. You want English to German translation then find an agency that uses a German translator who is fully conversant with the English language.
Ideally the translator should still be immersed in the language and culture of that country (Germany in this case) as language is constantly developing – especially among the younger generation – and someone who is not embedded in that culture may not always use the most appropriate words in translation.

2) The next consideration should be the translation agency’s experience of working in your subject area. A translator should have a good understanding of the subject matter they are being asked to work on. For example medical or pharmaceutical translations or high tech. engineering or legal translations will be best delivered by a translation agency that has experience or even specialists in these particular areas.  The agency should have the capacity to choose the right translator for the job.

3) What is the quality control process? Once the translation has been made is there any process for checking the quality of the translation? Translation work should always be checked by a qualified second translator within the translation agency. We all make mistakes and often our brain knows what we intended to write and so it compensates for errors made. Someone proof reading the document should not have that same ‘blind spot’ as the translator – this should be a given.

4) Does the translation agency use technology to reduce your costs? Many of the more professional agencies utilise technology to reduce the time and costs involved in translation services while still maintaining the focus on quality. The software used allows the translator to work more quickly and consistently. The software will search a database to look for similar sentences from previous translations which the translator can use if appropriate. This is very different from machine based translation services. A human translator is still at the heart of the process. However the benefit to you will be reduced costs while maintaining quality and consistency.

5) How well will the translation agency support you? With many translation agencies you will not get much in the way of personal service. Their focus will be on getting the translation done as quickly as possible. This may not be an issue for you. It might be all you need. However for the larger and more complex jobs you might want a more managed and personalised service to help you to achieve all your objectives in a timely manner. Under these circumstances look for translation agencies that can offer you a tailored project management service. You might pay more but it could well be worth it in stress avoidance and a project delivered on time.

So now that we have given you these top 5 tips for selecting one who would we suggest is the best Translation Agency for your business? We know that we can recommend one that fits the bill exactly – us!

Dialogue is based in Swindon and established for over 15 years. We can look after you and all your translation requirements. Call us today and let us show you what we mean. Call Cathy or Maija on 01793 513001 for a chat, and who knows, maybe even a quote?